my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
