Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
