I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Be still, my beating vagina.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize