its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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