based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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