we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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