My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
