Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize