Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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