I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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