I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
