i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
