im about as happy as oj after his trial
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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