My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
