your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
