I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed