There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
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there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.