hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
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Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
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He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out