Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
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You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
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It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof