i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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