FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
