today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
