Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Never joke about your clitoris.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
