it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I forget how to act sober
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
