I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize