I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
