So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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