i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
