I didn't shave. On purpose
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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