If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
