Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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