best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
