God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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