So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
