Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
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We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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