now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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