I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Randomize
