I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
