I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
