Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
