Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
