If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
