someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
