If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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