if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
