hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Is it penis luge time yet?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
