is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
