if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
