i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
