why didn't you poke me back
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
