Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
