Got a toothbrush?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
