I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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