Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
