I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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