so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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