Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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