I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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