she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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