So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
