We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
